honesty

I have not been honest.

I sometimes feel very tired of pretending that nothing ever happened, that I am perfectly alright. maybe it's more than pretending, maybe i'm trying to convince myself as well.

oh God, I could do nothing but cry on thursday night when no one was looking. just once, I thought, please. I couldn't decide whether to be happy or sad about the world they created for themselves. I couldn't decide whether or not I was wrong. I fell asleep that way.

I have been cruel. I used to be kind.