confusion

strength is a good thing. I have always tried to be strong except maybe sometimes when I'm alone in my room and I let myself feel sad. I realized something horrible today, and I think it spoiled my day. something no one else knows except me. God help me.
I sat on the roof trying to find answers, staring up at the obscured sky. I didn't find them. I am trying to be strong, I really am.
I can't help but feel there is absolutely no hope in the world tonight.
There isn't any of those fairy tale situations that end happily like there are in stories, it's so much worse. I'm still trying to decide if those fairy tale endings ever happened for real in the world, or whether they never happen.
fuck. now because I HAD to go down for dinner and because I HAD to sit at the table with everyone because my bloody grandparents are over, everyone knows I was crying. Now dad is probably pleased with himself thinking he's the reason why I'm upset. FUCK. just fuck it all, I don't know.