music

If my application to melbourne is successful, I'll be leaving in June. If I do well enough and get into warwick, I'll be leaving in september. there isn't enough time to learn music. and god, it feels like I'm not being taken seriously; like I'm just taking lessons to pass the time.

I want so much to learn properly. and I feel so frustrated that my parents are just treating this as some hobby and not something serious. they don't want me to take lessons when I'm in university. so that leaves me with just a few months of lessons. what the hell is the point of just taking a few months worth of lessons. and when I'm done with undergraduate studies, dad insists that I'll have to do postgraduate studies. I'll be in my late twenties when I'm done. how am I going to do this?

then this train of thought leads to another: what am I going to do even if I study music really hard and practice a lot? all the effort and drive to do well will all be pointless in the end because I can't ever be that good and I'll end up working in some small cubicle with florescent lighting, an incompetent boss, wasting my life away over pencil pushing nonsense.

I've never felt so hopeless. what is the point.