things

I find myself feeling very numb and tense at the same time. like dark clouds gathering. like the silence before the storm. the quiet, heavy air.

maybe it's work. maybe work is conditioning me to keep a placid face even when I'm infuriated. who knows. I can't feel anything. I can't shake the feeling that I'm walking in surreal world. nothing is real. and it's going to make me explode soon.

I find myself staring into space in a dream, trying to remember a better time when I could feel.

suppression. maybe that's what's driving me crazy. I should just start screaming at all the selfish unreasonable customers who try to assert their superiority over every one who is working. break a couple of glasses and throw some plates around. maybe then I would at least have some catharsis or something.

I feel unwell. I think I should quit soon.