please

tossing and turning and being smothered by the pillows and caught in the blankets; just gasping in between all the madness and tears. there would be screams, if only no one was around to hear them. how fear drives deep into us, how it claws its way down to a place so difficult to reach.

so wipe away the darkness with those grey eyes like rain at sea. It'll be alright.

thing

I love Darcy

you do realise that, in more ways than one, he doesn't exist. but I'm sure you're not the only one, everybody loves Darcy.

crystal and I stayed back today and sang songs in the spaceship. It was really fun, and we lost track of time.

today

we bought a chocolate cake for brendan and wenlong and celebrated their birthday. thank God for friends. I swear, they're the only motivation for me to get up in the morning and haul my ass off to school.

shut the door

it has begun again,
the voices growing louder and louder.
you hear it through the walls,
trying to overcome each other.

they're raising history now,
all that has been stretched out.
they keep bringing them back,
making you ponder about old doubts.

shut the door.
sit in the corner and rock,
rock, rock, yourself with
your hands over your ears.

-R. Conners

hm

'To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.'

-W. blake

Is there a way to describe music in a way that doesn't sound matter-of-fact and detached? Please teach me the words that won't sound cliche. because I wish I knew the way to describe that euphoria you get from looking up at the sky knowing that you have found eternity in one moment; the need for some form of catharsis after.

irony

so a guy killed himself because of his insecurity over the size of his peepers. sad thing is that it sounds so ridiculous that most people's first reaction is to burst out laughing and say 'are you serious?' It's sad really, to kill yourself and have everyone laugh at you after you're gone cause you've been such a nancy boy. worse than a nancy boy.

oh goodness, the whole thing is so ludicrous.

monologue

I got up at 6.30 this morning and started playing my cello; just kept playing the first half of the sarabande over and over again. and some of 'jesu, joy of man's desiring' sadly, the shortage of rosin and the state of my bow is impeding my progress.

In other more relevant news, the Lee people are sueing the opposition party AGAIN. Can they just stop sueing people already? I would continue with my rant, but horror of horrors, I'll probably get sued if I do.

[some parts of this entry have been deleted to avoid getting sued]

sincerity

dear God,

please let there always be music in heaven.

gay

I have to stop being so gay.

where am I going?

thing.

I need a gun.

rain

I like the rain. The best thing is sitting down by the window with a nice mug of hot chocolate with a marshmallow or two bobbing around inside.

that time

It's that time of the year again, when the trees are crowned with pink and white bundles of flowers that slowly drift to the ground, spinning around and around.

I am not particulary happy, and I am not afraid. strange.