day is over

Just got home and feeling like hell.
dragged myself through the doorway and up the stairs.
could barely stay awake in the shower.

poem

I remember, I remember
The house where I was born
The little window where the sun
Came peeping in at morn;
He never came a wink too soon
Nor brought too long a day;
But now, I often wish the night
had borne my breath away.

I remember, I remember
The roses, red and white,
The violets, and the lily-cups -
Those flowers made of light!
The lilacs where the robin built
And where my brother set
The laburnumon his birthday,
The tree is living yet!

I remember, I remember
Where I was used to swing,
And thought the air must rush as fresh
To swallows on the wing;
My spirit flew in feathers then
That is so heavy now,
And summer pools could hardly cool
The fever on my brow.

I remember, I remember
The fir trees dark and high;
I used to tehink their slender tops
Were close against the sky:
It was a childish ignorance
But now 'tis litle joy
To know I'm father off from Heaven
Than when I was a boy.

-Thomas Hood

beautiful

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul's Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

waiting

sat on the roof waiting,
blew bubbles to the air,
sang songs to the stars,
waiting

metaphor for life from a P.E. lesson.

The lesson is hard. It almosts seems like torture. And though you want give up, you can't.

And when the lesson's over and you feel you can't move on, you must. You have to get up and move on to the next place you have to be.

prayer

I pray you'll be my light
and watch me as I go
please help me to be wise
in times when I don't know

let this be my prayer
as I go my way
lead me to a place
guide me with your grace

today's little things

Lot's of little things happened today, as they do everyday.

I tied a knot in a piece of gummy string using my tongue and saw the underside of the classes little ecology experiment : an ant-infested pineapple. It's disgustingly interesting to see how fast those little bugs work.

The guys were harassing the sd2s, dubbing the classroom 'alderan' and desperately trying to get through the door. they had a lightsabre battle with rolls of paper and waved a severely disfigured manequin head around.

and eunice insists that she is a princess, despite my attempts to infom her of the boring mundane truth. guess I can't really blame her selective hearing.

and of course, we aboslutley cannot forget the miracle crash.

delivery

I was looking for the song and I asked my friends to tell me what to sing.

please give me a song to sing

But they didn't really have any that made me really want to sing. And after a while, I wasn't sure whether I was asking them or God for a song to sing.

but in the end, God sent me a song.

be thou my vision O Lord of my heart,
not all else to me please say that thou art,
thou my great father and I thy true son,
thou in me dwelling
and I in the one.

dear creator of the pompous jellyfish

I suppose it was easier on you to forget about me and pretend I never existed. We all need to move on, and I suppose remembering me would drive you insane with guilt.

but please don't forget the pompous jellyfish, and how it was once your friend. It really did care for you very much and was originally very happy for your new found love until it found out the truth.

It still can't decide which betrayal hurt more, and was wounded further by your failure to apologize or speak.

today.

I remembered today that I could have gone for 'pictures at and exhibition' and other organ works last thursday as band had been canceled. Couldn't help but feel disappointed that I had completely forgotten about it.

I couldn't bear to say it, but I cried that much at the part where he was hitting his son because it was very much like how I used to get hit. I was afraid I suppose... ah, the gay power of empathy.

but that's all in the past, and I'm really not bothered about it now. My parents are the coolest.

garn.

I sat on my window sill last night with a bottle of bubble solution, blowing bubbles out into the night air. The wind carried them away quickly as if they needed to be somewhere urgently.

you're such a romantic

yes, but I was alone. and I'm not sure if I want someone with me the next time I lie down on the roof and blow bubbles out into the dark night.

I feel that haunting idealism creeping back into my subconscious. Those wonderful ideas about love and such.

honestly, I am absolutely terrified of them.

funorama

Funorama was incredibly fun. It's an experience I'm going to remember and cherish. All the haunted houses and food, and the endless mixing of drinks and cooking. The food stall was swamped with orders which was really fun. Interacting with the customers was eally fun.

I saw so many people I haven't seen for so long, and had fun walking about with my friends and holding their hands in the haunted houses. I didn't get the chance to play any other games, aside from walking around inside the haunted houses because I was too busy, which is kinda sad. but I had a lot of fun anyways.

At the end of the day, I took the balloons that kenneth gave me and tied the carnation from wee jin, and a note to it which said, 'don't cry now that you're back safe in heaven. love, eunice.' Jithra and Andrew signed it as well, Andrew even left his number, which is really weird. And I went outside and released the balloons into the air and watched them float away.

I asked God to send them to someone who needed them most.

ACJC funorama was incredibly fun. So there.

bubbles

I was srrounded by a flurry of bubbles in class today. I had found an extra bottle and started blowing out large and small bubbles which were stirred up by the air vent.

I won't forget for a while, the way we tried to catch the bubbles floating away into the sky when we were outside. I resorted to just poking them in the end. David and Nat were trying to eat their bubbles.

or the way the bubbles hurried around the side of the NL as if they had somewhere important to get to.

high

I was forced to think about what gets me high. I knew what it was immediately:

sitting on the roof or just somewhere outside looking up at the sky at night. The endless distance, with the wonderful cold light twinkling down from those tiny stars which dot the great expanse overhead.

or perhaps, gazing out the window, knowing that there is someone on the otherside of the moon or sky who loves you. just where you can't see. [I'm talking about God by the way]

today.

after having one long horrendous nightmare, coming to school in the morning was so dreary. especially after I was told I wasn't wanted at the bleachers.

The thing that really made my day, was 'surfing' through the corridors on a trolley with jiayi, or aneesa, or eunice pushing me. It was exhilirating trying to keep my balance and screaming with the slight wind in my face. of course, pushing them was fun too as I could barely see where I was going and had listened to their directions. a teacher eventually shouted at us as we ran away.

I went to toys r' us with jithra and we reenacted some star wars things which was really childish, immature, and therefore, fun.

when I got back to school we wrote stories on the walls of the class and played ping pong with our calculator covers.

In the end, I wound up asleep in a rubber tub with aneesa.

unsure

please, someone out there,
if you know a way to face the day
without burying your emotions,
please, teach me how.

please, because everyday I am forced
to bite my knuckles
and pinch myself to supress all I feel
and even that doesn't work sometimes.

It might lead me to become
s c h i z o p h r e n i c.

echo

whose woods these are I think I know.
his house is in the village though;
he will not see me stopping here
to see his woods fill up with snow.

my little horse must think it queer
to stop without a farmhouse near
between the woods and frozen lake
the darkest evening of the year.

he gives his harness bells a shake
to ask if there is some mistake.
the only other sound's the sweep
of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
but I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

-robert frost

today.

feeling kind of down

tomorrow.

I can't decide whether to be excited or apprehensive about tomorrow.

feeling a little down.

quote

please come with me and see what I see

today

today was fantastic. I had an incredible amount of fun going to SAJC to sell coupons because I saw so many people I haven't seen for forever. We made announcements over their song dedication booth in the canteen. It was so much fun.

We went to lido to eat after that, and walked around looking for valentine's things. but we did paint hawyi's nails which turned out to be drastically funny.

oh goodness, I laughed so much today.

valentine's day

what do you want for valentine's day?

I thought for a moment.

All I could ever want is a white rose without thorns.

today

today was absolutely fabulous simply because I laughed so much. It began when we saw Mr. Downright Gorgeous while we were eating and they began to start taking secret pictures. they just pretended to be taking pictures of me so they could point the camera at him.

And after that, I couldn't stop laughing and laughing.

the only disappointing part was discovering that Calaf doesn't actually die after all. [turandot]

lets see

'I like music.' she thought for a moment. 'Just the music.'

but it didn't really matter, because now there are some cats whining and fighting outside my window. Someone told me that cats have sex on the roof and make those horrendous disturbing noises.

'can you take it all AWAY' was the funniest thing.

unrelated

I dumped my dreams by the road,
Turned around repeatedly,
Even though nothing showed,
I wanted them to follow me.

They didn't.

And I continued to walk.

hello

missing you and loving you everyday of my life. wishing I could be there with you. wishing I could always be near you.

bye.

tired

the long day is over

we

we're all so lost. and if we tired to help each other along the way, it would be like the blind leading the blind wouldn't it? but in the end, we'd still have each other.

I would still have you.

things.

There is so much I could say. I only wish I knew how to say it. If only I knew how to express myself, I may actually do well for lit.

so here is a poem like one of those I used to see hanging on the wall outside alma's class.

love.
song.
sing.
light.
madness.
tears.
heart.
soul.
void

things

yesterday and today were absolutely perfect, aside from the fact that I embarrassed myself infront of the school this morning. It must be the fireworks.

but that's ok, because i'm feeling a little bouncy.

somebody desperately needs a mirror.

perfect

Martina and I went out shopping today. It was fun trying on stuff and looking around. But the best part was sitting on the Esplanade's roof talking over warm cups of Starbucks' hot cocoa, with the wind whipping my hair about.

And when the fireworks started, nothing mattered anymore.

psychotic

I sat in substation today digging my nails into my palms to save myself from embarrassing myself.

I am not sure what it is that scared me so much during that time, back in 2001.

sometimes I can still hear them screaming.

remember

remember when we were up on the world trade center? we weren't very old then. we were at that age when children are just ugly no matter what you try to do. but we were little, and it was fun being so small, looking out far, far away into that fuzzy blue horizon.

we were high up. I can't remember clearly, but I think it was the 107th floor. and up there, you do see that the earth is round, because the horizon is curved. and when we got to the bottom, we just stood ouside and looked up and up and up.

thing.

I'm waiting for the day when the flowers bloom
and float down from the sky like snow,
like they did so many days ago.

NYP

Allow me to recount my experience at Nanyang Polytechnic today.

Upon entering the cafeteria school, my friends and I felt a dark barrage of hostility emanating from many of the students around us.

of course, not all of the students were that low class. Some were exceedingly friendly and nice, which was refreshing in that desolate environment.

However, despite the fact that absolutely all of us were polite and considerate, I must say that I was deeply disappointed[though not altogether surprised] with our overall reception.

I believe that some of the students, based on their own conclusions and assumptions about ACSians being rich, elitist, and condescending, were absolutely conceited and crass. This, in truth, only proves them to be hypocrites, as they were the ones who were rude despite our amiable behaviour.

Furthermore, I feel compelled to point out that most all of us are bilingual, if not multilingual. however, some of the delusional students continued to make groundless spiteful and disdainful remarks, telling us to drop dead or get lost in their own mothertongues under the impression that we were unable to understand.

I believe that if they are looking for social prejudice, they do not need to look very far. sadly, all they need is a mirror.

search

look for me by the river. I might have fallen asleep in the boat with the fishing line still in my hands.

seek me in the endless fields. I might be hiding somewhere among the tall grass, blowing the bits of white fluff off the dandelions and watching them float away in the breeze.

or perhaps you could try to listen for my voice. follow the snatches you hear, and you will eventually find me.

I promise that I'll be in a park, covered with trees. Tell me on a sunday please.

zach

God damn you zach. I fucking hate you.

thing.

I'm a little nervous. I'm going to take a big step tonight:

I'm going to sleep with the lights off.

must

I feel that it is important that I go buy some mint humbugs tomorrow.

today.

today was fliris' birthday. We had dinner at some place to celebrate the wondrous occasion. Ben brought along beer stein he got for mom from frankfurt, and told us about his escapades in Germany.

The waiters and waitresses were insistent on publicly humiliating fliris by singing her a loud happy birthday song. but she didn't mind too much[even thought she did beg them not to] and it made me laugh.

I ate lamb. when I first got my plate I stared at it as if I couldn't believe I was eating good old lamb again. Then I ate the brocolli, zucchini, and picked off the mushrooms. After that I proceeded to cut up my lamb and stuff it into my mouth as quickly as possible and mop up my gravy with my squishy potatos.