happy halloween

I like halloween, I think it's really fun. I wish I could have participated in the festivities this year but I guess I was too lazy.
you know what's sad? all those fairy tales you know would never come true. no matter how badly you wish that they are real, they aren't. nothing you do could ever change that. there is no prince charming[really, there isn't], there is no perfect happy ending, there is no magic, no love.
maybe some part of me has lost hope in that, but some part still clings to all those stories. how incredibly annoying. I'm not sure what to do about this duality.
I always try to be strong.

I think that people who commit suicide are cowards. really. I don't care how bad it is, they are cowards for trying to run away like that. I really don't care about the situation.

hot and cold

I fight so much, I don't know what it's all for. It can be funny some times. Sometimes i'm too tired to care though. too much exertion from exercising. haha
I am confused. I think if anyone ever loved me, I would never believe it. I would probably go mad from not knowing and not believing. the memories. I remember the prince I dreamt of.
I always try to be strong.

truthfully

I wanted so much for those fairy tales to be some reflection of reality. but they're not. how tragic.

confusion

strength is a good thing. I have always tried to be strong except maybe sometimes when I'm alone in my room and I let myself feel sad. I realized something horrible today, and I think it spoiled my day. something no one else knows except me. God help me.
I sat on the roof trying to find answers, staring up at the obscured sky. I didn't find them. I am trying to be strong, I really am.
I can't help but feel there is absolutely no hope in the world tonight.
There isn't any of those fairy tale situations that end happily like there are in stories, it's so much worse. I'm still trying to decide if those fairy tale endings ever happened for real in the world, or whether they never happen.
fuck. now because I HAD to go down for dinner and because I HAD to sit at the table with everyone because my bloody grandparents are over, everyone knows I was crying. Now dad is probably pleased with himself thinking he's the reason why I'm upset. FUCK. just fuck it all, I don't know.

hurm

I don't know what it is. I just can't wait until the end of the exams so I can start living. I don't know, do things and have fun. but at the same time I'm scared that I might get retained, and there's still pw oral presentation and all that nonsense. chinese ao levels. ugh, the bane of my existence.
I need to get a pair of shoes. I have been having lots of horrible nightmares the past few days. I dreamt of some girl getting raped, being trapped inside a house with a psycho, I don't know, so many disturbing things.
I wonder why. I hope it all goes away.

anywhere you go let me go too

oh my goodness, just stand on the roof and sing and sing and don't stop. throw your arms out and let the breeze lift your hair and just keep singing. maybe your angel of music will come and take you away.