random conversation

my dad was in one of those random conversation moods, and asked me what I was going to do with my life. so I told him. I'm going to get a job as a vet, have my own apartment and maybe have a dog or cat. simple. completely independent. but now my parents are trying to convince me to get married. ugh. how revolting.
what I absolutely can't stand is how limited women's minds used to be. how their only goal was to be feminine enough to attract a guy and get married. how utterly restrictive. Even though women are now educated and everything, some of them are still so stupid, so incredibly stupid, that their main goal in life is still getting married and starting a family. what the hell. the idea is just repulsive.
being independent sounds like one big adventure.

hope

I hope everything will be alright. I know I can't always expect miracles to save me. I hope I can hold myself up through any of those struggles people come across once in a while. If I can't, well I guess I'll go bury myself under a bunch of pillows and blankets and eat pie.

excitement and boredom

I was really excited about giving peace a incredibly early surprise birthday celebration. It was fun, even if we didn't do anything but eat.
but other than that I am so BORED. I know that there is so much to do, but it seems like there is forever to do things even though there really is no time. I want to go to the park tomorrow. that would be nice. I think the SSO will be performing at the botanical gardens, and there is free admission. but I don't really want to go by myself and it would be a rush from tuition. I wonder what they are gonna play.

help

someone please help me figure me out.
I feel so incredibly lost about myself.

last nights dream

I dreamt of a lot of horrible things last night. Soldiers eating babies. like killing them and barbequeing their body parts for a meal. It was under the regime of an evil monarch. I think it was a king. I was at the beach looking for shells and I saw a whale floating in the air not far off. Then news reached us of some more evil developments. and my companions gave up and started cursing the air. but I just stood on the beach staring out at sea. and I just stood there and shouted 'yeah? well I believe in God.'
I have no idea what the significance of all that was.

weird

I don't know what it is. I feel like I'm missing something, but I don't know what it is. Last night I tried to call people and talk but everyone was busy, I guess it's cause of the exams coming up. soong could talk for a while which was fun. And I talked to peeeearlyn for a few minutes as well.
But somehow last night I felt kind of sad, and damn it, I guess I felt like crying. but I couldn't cry. well I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I guess I tried to call people to distract myself but that didn't work out.
I decided it was a probably just a mood swing and I tucked myself in to bed to sleep off the weird unexplained depression. maybe I should go shopping to distract myself.
I wonder why it seems like I have to distract myself all the time.

resolution

I'm going to study really hard for my exams so I can do relatively well. And when it's all over, I'm going to go shopping like mad. I might even party. now all I have to do is just glue myself to my books and notes. right.
I am strange. and maybe part of me takes pride in that, being different. but I guess it makes it harder to connect with people. it's just a thought, I'm not feeling defeated or anything. I am trying to be strong everyday. All the bad things that have happened, they've been long over and I am free.
I had a dream. I subconsciously fell in love with a prince who then fell in love with someone else. I pretended I did not care but then he took me aside and told me the truth that I didn't want to hear, that I did love him. and all I could do was just scream and scream 'NO'. I think I pushed him down a hill after that and ran away.
I am so weird.