selfish spotlight

moet and chandon toasting our project? I'm not used to this.

I'm a singer, I'm a dancer, I'm an artist, I'm a musician, I'm a poet, I'm adventurous. what about you? I can't tell through the flashing lights and deafening sounds. it's a shame.

that neutral safe smile that kills a small bit of me every time it spreads out on my face like an infection that refuses to go away, it's all I can manage with you.

there is so much more to both of us. why can't either of us see it?

awesome

YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Joe is going to climb kilimanjaro with me. good god I hope we get places on the expedition. and now I'm being responsible and doing my work while everyone else is partying downstairs. although I am planning to join them in an hour regardless, and I'm drinking joe's poison while I'm doing it.

yeaaahhhh!!!!

whatever I'm a bat out of hell and doing my work while getting high on joe's poison. gin martini and lemonade. yeahhhh!!!

seriously, climbing kilimanjaro is my dream. if Joe and I get places [god I hope we do] we're going to run the london marathon. yeah EUNICE RUNNING A MARATHON.

80 plus bitches!!! YEAAAAHHHHH!!! ROCK ON!!!!

sundays

updating the case file takes so freaking long.

I went spinning today. it was an hour long but after the first 10 minutes I started thinking 'good god make it stop, what did I get myself into.' I felt good after I was done, but I think I undid it by having hot chocolate after my very large dinner. martin made me dinner. roast pork with the usual potatoes and vegetables.

so much for the exercising. well more work to be done tomorrow.

good hurt?

let's see... now that I'm inspired to work really hard and do a proper case file for ALL modules and not fall behind, there's that.

so, oneworldweek work hasn't really kicked off yet but it will. tuesday nights fencing. will have to go on wednesday nights if oneworldweek meetings are held on tuesday nights. but will have riding on wednesday afternoons. thursday evenings is taichi. oh who knows what other things I'll have to do as the publicity officer for taichi. then there's piano once every 2 weeks on tuesdays. cello will probably be every week again but I haven't started yet. monday I might go for dance classes. and then there's spinning on sundays.

good god. and with all this, I still need to find time to spend with martin and cook and clean and wash.

transit in copenhagen for 6 hours? need a book. and something warm and comfortable.

going crazy. good crazy? when is crazy ever good? don't know eunice, maybe you should get back to your work. yeah going a little crazy. but it almost reminds me of A level crazy. some how this feels more self inflicted. oh no what ever shall I do? go exercise to release tension. or yoga. no yoga makes me feel unhealthy.

nonono go do your work eunice good god you're crazy.

wasting time?

I got home yesterday hoping to get some work done. that didn't happen. I ended up doing research on the roots of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. super holy cousin bernard wrote to me to say hi and comment on my joining the Israel-Palestine forum. The forum is meant to promote healthy peaceful discussion between the 2 groups and their respective supporters. And then he said something about knowing which side to be on.

yeah, I support the palestinians. It was really unfair on them to be displaced like that because another group of people was trying to impose their different religious beliefs on them. More information on the United Nations website.

It would be like me, starting a new religion and telling everyone that I heard the voice of God, and God said that Peranakans are indeed supreme. That they shall own all the lands of the earth and rule them. And then I could use whatever influence I had to take over countries where the people have little way of opposing me. this is assuming myself to be in a rich and very powerful position.

anyway what pissed me off the most about this debate with my nice but somewhat blinded cousin. is that I didn't get my work done. I mean, I could take comfort that I spent some time trying to understand an important world issue. but it still remains that I didn't get my academic work done. gay.

and now:

SAAAAAANUUUUUUUK!!!!!

eighty plus

everyday niecey gets up and says eightyplus to herself. she's gotten me to follow that goal but I have my doubts over whether it will happen.

back to more criminal and more causation. there's still financial calculations to be made on the present value of investments! and financial readings. and cases on the separations of corporate personality! and after that, more analysis!!!

at least I get to see barnaby today. please please let me ride barnaby. jojo's a little slow. biscuit is sweet but too short. and gameboy is stubborn.

ah the inadequacy experienced during class! it rends my soul into little pieces.

stealthy invisible mole

burrow burrow.

sanuk

SAAAAANUUUUUUK!!!!!!!!!!!!

WANT.

response

no. nonononononono. good god no. no, with a very exasperated tone. no, as in, wake up no.

in other news, my housemates are awesome. I like how I miss called joe and he just texted me back knowing exactly what I was calling about. my brand spanking new digital piano arrived. It arrived when I was on campus. so my housemates teamed up and moved the disastrously heavy and gigantic box up the stairs, into my room. when I got back Tom and his love for setting up flat pack furniture basically set the whole thing up for me. and even though ewan didn't actually do anything, it's ok, we can say he supervised and provided moral support.

it's so awesome. Now whenever I want to play/practice, I don't have to make an arduous journey to the music centre which might not have any free rooms anyway and the ones that are free usually have old uncared for pianos. no, now I just turn my swivel chair around and roll across to my rickety stool and push back the panel covering the keys.

yeah, digital pianos aren't as awesome as real pianos. but they beat sad neglected pianos in cold rooms with meh sounds. it'll do for the next 5 years or so. I say 5 years because that's how long the warranty lasts.

prosperity gospel

I can't call myself a very religious person, I'll be honest. I could be wrong but I think that some religious people need to have religious arguments because the moment you try to bring non religious logical arguments they shut their ears because they consider it a test of faith. so I'm going to give a religious argument after I detail my logical argument.

so here is my analysis of the prosperity gospel from a logical non religious point of view. In case any of the few people who read this blog are not aware of what the prosperity gospel is, it is the theory that god blesses people he favours with material prosperity. This can be easily extrapolated to: god hates poor people. that is basically what this 'gospel' is about. I quote 'sow your finances' from some guy preaching in a church in singapore. I think there are more extreme versions but I'll point out the flaws with the deterministic causation theory.

First, it has the potential to encourage complacency and irresponsibility. To leave your finances in the hands of a greater benevolent omnipotent power, probably allows one to feel that they do not need to worry as much as the other heathens that do not have that all powerful support. It has the potential to be very damaging, as some individuals may be less cautious in their investments as such. Or they might make bad investments in what appears to be a good cause but is really a fraudulent one.

[more elaboration and edits waiting. I have more important work to do at the moment]

And now follow the famous biblical quotes to give my sentiments some religious weightage.

Matthew 6:19-21, 24 - 'Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume, and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven... For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.'

Luke 16:13 - 'No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.'

regressing

watching old fantasia's section where they did beethoven's symphony no 6 with mythological animations makes me so happy. It makes me feel nostalgic.

settling

tidying up my room is taking forever. talking to people on skype isn't helping either. I'll put on the cello suites again.

I need to get books and groceries and a bus pass. Need to check my CILM group and pick up my finance notes at the undergrad office. so far there have been no detectable clashes between my lectures so thank god. I would have gone on a rampage if we'd gotten screwed over again this year.

need to meet up with lynn oats sometime soon, and paul raffield if he's still around.

raining

I miss home so much. I wish I could make you understand how much I feel right now. but I've already decided that whatever I write will fall flat and will sound used and worn like an old kitchen towel.

sorrow expands and everything that is wrong and sad joins the cycle of thoughts. it's cold. I don't want them to be hungry. I don't want them to be homeless. I don't want them to cry. I keep seeing her with her wide wild eyes and high fearful voice, and that's the last I'll see of her. it builds and builds. memories of bad news and tears in my arms. dead ends.

we can't stop bullets with our hearts.